HH 5 - Hard Target / Only Time (Cop)

This Thanksgiving, hunting season is over, as Ben and Paul go guestless (hunting is hard) and get restless for a mulleted JCVD, and as a result, a “guaranteed good time” (guarantor @whollymoses). This go round it's the action classic “Hard Target” (d. John Woo 1993) starring: Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg, Yancy Butler, and Lance Henrickson. Should this have been a Lance Henrickson vehicle? Is the only cop working during a strike the only cop you can count on? Do poor people get THIS bored too? And the power…of the one true mullet. These questions, facts, and more to discuss with your drunk uncle at dinner lie ahead! 11/27!

**All episodes contain explicit language**
Artwork - Ben McFadden
Review Review Intro/Outro Theme - Jamie Henwood
"What Are We Watching" & "Whatcha been up to?" Themes - Matthew Fosket
"Fun Facts" Theme - Chris Olds/Paul Root
Lead-Ins Edited/Conceptualized by - Ben McFadden
Produced by - Ben McFadden & Paul Root
Concept - Paul Root

Transcript

Oh, welcome in. Hi. Hey, everybody. Good whiskey make Jackrabbit slap the bear. Welcome to Ben and Paul in the Morning.

What's up, fart? How you doing? Your drunk uncle's here hosting this podcast apparently. Listen up, everybody. Uncle Duvet, it's so good to see you.

I can't do a Cajun accent. That's okay. Neither can Van Dam. Yeah. Pull from the edit without fucking around with filters and shit that's here and turning things off and whatever.

You're just gonna have to deal with this from the edit. I'm wrong. That's a misstatement. Fucking Van Damme's creole is unsurprisingly solid. Let's roll it back.

Well, this is the review review. Right. Right. This is a movie podcast. So if you're, a fan of movies, you are in the right place at the right time.

And on this podcast, I am a host. My name is Ben. That's Paul. Mhmm. Mhmm.

Mhmm. He's also a host. And we usually have a guest. Today, we don't. We bring a movie to the podcast that is at least 7 years old or older, not something that's a sequel or part of a major franchise.

And hopefully something that you've seen before or someone's seen before and feels passionately about and wants to revisit and we'll talk about, and then we kinda see if our opinions have shifted by the end of that conversation. So if you're into that, you should stick around, because today we're gonna get hard. That's the aim anyway. That's what we're going for. I don't wanna be a soft target.

That's the that's the target. Target. The movie we watched, I'm sure you've caught up now, folks, was Hard Target. Hard Target. Hard Target.

Another ac another accent episode, everyone. Sorry. You're welcome. Sorry we hurt your feelings. I can't I'm trying to do the Arnold Vosloo, and I'm failing.

I'm gonna make a name for myself here. Oh, the fun we've had. But, hey, John Woo finally. So that's great. John Woo?

Our first JCVD. Right? Yes. Technically. Because, I mean, he's only in Last Action Hero for about a blink of an eye.

So I think this is his first starring vehicle anyway. Yeah. Long time coming. Paul's been pushing me to watch for a long time. What tipped you to this, by the way?

Was it Moses being, like, hard target that movies the shit? Was it that? I think that was the final straw, probably. And straw hair straw stringy hair. It also it also helped that I was I was at Vidiots renting renting the movies, and this was on, like, a staff pick wall.

And I was like, you know what? Paul's been trying to get me to watch this, and this is a 4 k. So let's let's go for it. And it's a kino. It's a kino Lorber.

Right? So the mastering what you said, I think, was great. Right? That's the only thing we've talked about about this movie. You were like, it looks great.

It did look great. I was like, okay. Good. Keno kinos always look good, baby. They always do good work.

But, Ben We're we're getting ahead of ourselves. Ben. Yeah. What you've been doing? Well, it's still soup season, sweater season.

Mhmm. You've got red on you. I've been writing and setting up a new desk situation here. This is my new sitch. We're new desk bros.

Yeah. As rude as in the Stoods and, I need to take everything out of the Stoods. I have a little desk Stood situation. I can I can write? I can turn around and watch movies or my Mhmm.

Mhmm. Go back to my writing. So I've been writing, keen on a project that hopefully will be, something that's at the Hollywood fringe. Nice. Okay.

Are you are you willing to sell it say anything else about it? Is there I can. An inspiration, a genre? Sure. Yeah.

I can. It's, it's a project that I actually I've been working on for almost 5 years. Jesus Christ. Yep. I'm old.

And Y'all wanna read that reset button? Anyway, it's an adaptation of HG Wells, the time machine. Very cool. I I had made a adaptation. I did a cut many, many, many, many years ago.

I was during the pandemic, when I had a lot of time because doing adaptations is really hard. And then it's been through multiple drafts, multiple processes. It's it is in the public domain, so I don't feel incredibly beholden to making it super. It's not holy text to me. So I'm interested in the themes.

I'm interested in some of the major plot points and characters, but I've I've changed Mostly prom. Fuck you, h g Wells. Like, fuck h g Wells. Fuck that. Well Who cares?

Fuck him. It's interesting because You you know I'm kidding. I know. No. But but it is interesting because it is it is definitely a book written from a western man's perspective in 18/90.

Oh, shit. Yeah. It is. And it has some issues, but it also gave us the word time machine that didn't exist until that book. That was the first the first time the term yeah.

Exactly. And time traveler. So, anyway, I'm hoping to have a hour long production that I will be doing at the Damn. That's rad. Been working on kinda cutting it, trimming it, getting it ready.

What about you? What you've been doing? I'm excited to hear more about the genesis of that. Yeah. I got back into an acting class, Ben.

Wow. Yep. Look at us. The tools can never be sharp enough. Look at us.

Who would've thought, Yeah. Look at us. And considering the only tool I use is a hammer or a bat, that's usually pretty hard to sharpen anyway. But I've been attending the actors lab. Okay.

The teacher, Christina Haddad is great. It's been really good. There are people at various talent and skill levels and different approaches and all that stuff like you normally encounter. Acting classes normally can't compartmentalize exact levels, etcetera, etcetera. That can be really difficult to determine too.

So she's really good at giving specific notes to specific people and understanding people's strengths and where they can improve. And it's been a really cool little journey for the last little bit. I've really been enjoying it. And, man, as you know, I had stepped away from it for a while and stepped back into it softly over the last little bit, but, boy, I I kinda went deep into the last little bit. And it takes a while to get the pedals moving, but it is, it is kind of like riding a bike if you're willing to go up the hill for a bit, which is I have been, am, was, will be.

So that's been really, really cool and very rewarding. I just want, us to talk about these light things, things that we're working on and, things that we're, you know, growing and, yeah, evolving. And I think that's good and important. How lovely. I will say I think it is very important it's very important when things feel hard or feel heavy to create for people like that.

Yeah. And I think an acting class writing, it is an outlet in a way that a lot of people don't take advantage of, or they find reasons why to not do it. And I think, because it's hard. Oh, yeah. It's a good hard, and I think we're gonna talk a lot about we're gonna talk a lot about a good hard today, I think.

You're really taking a chance because my mama add 1 too when she add me. I was thinking while watching it, like, if they had made an x men movie in the night like, if back in the nineties when they did the x men movie, he should've he should've been Gambit. You wanna hear something crazy? He was floated for Wolverine. See, I think he's At a point in time.

I don't disagree with what you're saying partly because he's just so A pair of Van Damme oozes with something. So like a charisma, a magnetism something that he has. He's got the fucking riz, bro. He's got the jizz riz and skibbity bop. And it's one of those things that Gambit is that guy.

Wolverine's not as much that guy. And so it's just interesting. And now, apparently, Disney's just like head over heels for Channing Tatum as as well they should be. That's a fun performance. You mean Channing Tay yum.

Oh, jeez. Oh, should I I need to put a spoiler alert under that, do you think? I don't know. It made, like, a bajillion dollars. If people haven't seen it at this point, they can probably give fuck.

Who gives a fuck? Yeah. I mean, hey. But if you haven't seen that, maybe you've seen what Ben's watching. Ben, what are you watching?

So I wanna I wanna shout out 2 things because, last night, I went to the Backyard Film Festival, 1st ever in Riley Shanahan and Harriet Dunfali's backyard in their beautiful Oh, shit. Former and future guests. Fingers crossed. Yeah. And they hosted a little short film festival for a lot of their, immediate network and people sort of that they know outside their network and just kind of with the goal to be like, look.

A lot of people are making cool shit in the city, and we know a lot of them, and we want everyone to, like, come together, and it's not for a competition. You don't have to pay. It's just like and they they legit put on a festival. Like, it was like they rented seats. They had a projector.

They had heaters. They That's fucking great. I love that. Yeah. And they wanna do it every year.

And so they listen Bless them seriously. Thousand times over. Yeah. Really great small budget independent short films that I saw that were made by some really cool people. And I was stoked to be there and stoked to enjoy it and celebrate it.

And I think knowing both of them that this could be something that could grow. They could continue to make this a a regular actual film festival. So They're absolutely lovely people, and I've said it to both of you and maybe on this. That little production of The Tempest that y'all did, man, I fucking loved that. And so that's the thing.

Like, anything that, you know, 1448, like, you know, a lot of my creative friends do. Like, it's just very inspiring. It's very cool. Well, let's wait. Let me I'm gonna take your dick out of my mouth.

I'm gonna okay. There we go. Alright. Well, I like this less, but that was I like that more, but here we go. That took me way too long to take it out.

It's it's more like a spaghetti noodle. It's more like the Van Damme mullet hair. It looks and behaves in that way. By the way, I'm gonna just say Sam Cat has a post poop zoom. Oh.

That was awful in here, but she is being adorably energetic. I love those screams. Before I before we move on to you, I just wanna say last night I watched, because it was the other movie I rented from Vidiots, the 4 the 4 k, Shin Godzilla, which Oh, fuck. I hear that movie is great. Which I had not seen.

And holy hell, that movie is fucking awesome. Yeah. No doubt. Sorry. But, I'm pretty sure that fucking Shin Godzilla is in the litter box here close to me.

Like, that's it's like that that cat's ass straight shot Godzilla breath. Okay. Whew. I needed a second to recover. Like, I don't wanna have my drink.

Do you need a hot minute? I mean, it's a do you need to scoop it? Do you need to scoop it for a second? I can give you a second. She she buried it really well.

Oh, it's just this it's the She's powerful. Poop particles in the air are getting into your mouth. She's oh god. That's what's happening. I understand that.

Okay. I don't need you to say it. There's a beverage here, man. There's a beverage here, man. My beverage is fucking tainted.

Poop particles. Pooping it. Okay. Shin Godzilla. Great.

I recommend. Okay. Can you say why specific anything specific? It's obviously about it's, like, obviously an allegory for the response to the government response to Fukushima. Oh, sure.

Okay. And, a lot of it is about, like, how idiotic bureaucracy is. So it's kinda got, like, Chernobyl feel. Got it. And then Godzilla in this, I don't wanna say too much, but Godzilla in this is basically I wanna say kinda like a a mindless zombie.

It's sort of all I'll say. But Alright. It's a very interesting take on the character. Yeah. Slow, trudging, destructive force of some sort.

It's like Yeah. Kinda like radiation encroaching or what. Cool. I for people who don't have much familiarity or any familiarity with the Godzilla universe, a lot of it is about Godzilla is a physical manifestation of trauma Yeah. In almost every single one of those movies, there is some sort of deeper meaning not too far below the surface, but there's usually something there.

Yeah. Great movies. Yeah. So, yeah, recommend it and get it on 4 k. It looked great.

Okay. I I would like to give that a shot. I have not seen that movie. I still haven't seen Godzilla minus 1. I know.

I know. I know. What have I been watching well as I wanted have been wanting to keep it light? I've been cramming a shitload of NPR tiny desk. I don't know how much you watch this.

They were playing it as a pre show at the film festival. They were playing all the I love it. Tiny desks. Awesome. Great.

At the backyard? Yeah. Great. That's excellent. I just have been let it run on a loop when I'm cleaning or sometimes when I'm editing or when I'm working out or when I'm trying just like getting shit done.

Sometimes it's been TV shows or it's a vinyl or it's a movie, but lately it's been like tons and tons and tons of tiny disc. And for people that are unfamiliar with NPR tiny disc, 100, thousands maybe of artists have now been through NPR's Tiny Desk where it's basically a corner in some NPR offices that look kinda like a bookstore or something. Mhmm. And artists at every level from every genre come through with sometimes solo, sometimes with huge accompanies of, you know, 10 piece bands or what have you, and play some of their biggest hits. And sometimes it's Sting or it's Big Daddy Kane or who knows.

So it's really, really cool. I love it, and it's very pure and joyful. And I think the Mac Miller, RIP featuring Thundercat tiny desk is probably one of the most rewatchable, one of my favorite, just, like, small things that I think I can probably consume, like, endlessly, audio and or video. It's really, really amazing. Nice.

That's all that's all I wanna share, bud. That's what I got. Yeah. Oh, let's talk about some facts. Oh, yes.

Archaeology is the search for facts. No. You've lost your boss. You see I'm kinda like flexing. Or I could I should do the from Van Damme and breakin'.

I wish you had a long jacket though. A really cool And hair? Long spaghetti noodle hair? You should get that that mullet wig. Rocket.

Yeah. Some of that is not his hair. I mean, if you had a mullet wig Compliments of the Shineheart wig coming. You would definitely be a drunk uncle, which I think this episode is brought to us by drunk uncles. And I'm just gonna say it now, is my rating system.

It was the rating system I was walking in here with. I and so, like, let's just fucking go with it. I'm super into it. We're all in the same wave. This episode is brought to you by Drunk Uncles, and the movie that we're talking about is our targets.

Hard targets, Alphaville films, Renaissance Pictures, some really cool people behind that production company, and Universal. This is rated r. If you look at the IMDB, it says NC 17. Really? The final cut of the movie is r.

It's on the back of the VHS jacket, the Blu ray jacket, the 4 k jacket. In the movie, it's a it's r. But it's funny IMDB says NC 17. The movie was released in 1993. It's an hour and 37 minutes.

Gotta love a movie in that length. Oh, yeah. Budget was $18,000,000 adjusted. That's 39.2. Opening weekend was August 22, 1993.

And it was 10,100,000 in the US. That was $22,000,000 adjusted. Final gross in North America was 32.5, so made some money, 70.9. It did get a worldwide release, and it made a total of 72,100,000. That's 157.3 worldwide adjusted.

That is a lot of money. I feel like we get hit with 1993 a lot. We do. The I think that might be arguably the best year in film. Yeah.

There's a lot of really good fucking movies in that year. Other releases on the date of this movie, not a movie that we'll probably ever talk about. Manhattan Murder Mystery. Okay. Weekend top 5, The Fucking Fugitive, man.

I want someone to bring that so bad. It's gonna happen. Give it time. Okay. I mean, I don't care.

Yeah. We'll make it happen. Number 2 was this movie, The Secret Garden, Rising Sun, Jurassic Fucking Park. Fugitive in Jurassic Park just, like, insanely dominant Oh my god. Through the summer of 93.

Other films from 1993, Cliffhanger, Demolition Man, Last Action Hero, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, Hotshots by point of no return, sniper, and boiling point. Letterboxed average on this film is 3.3. Follow us, won't you? My co host is At run b m c. I am at paulxbadly.

Sysco and Ebert gave this 2 thumbs down, both noting, technically, the movie is good. Okay. Rotten Tomatoes, 62%. Metacritic, 63. Okay.

Major award wins and nominations. We're gonna talk about the Saturn Awards. This is a big deal. This is a genre movie. Four Saturn nominations, including picture, director, and music, Lance Henriksen won for his supporting turn as Emile Fushon.

Fuck. Yeah. He did. He's so good in this. There were people in this movie and involved with this movie.

Did you know that? People made it? Yeah. Human people, not their robots. No.

Robots did not make this movie. Did my drunk uncle help me? Could you imagine AI trying to make this movie and did not? Best of luck. Yeah.

No. AI could never. No. Tell me about the people, Ben. The people.

The real blood humans. John the director is John Wu. The face I wanna take his face off. Oh, shit. That's crazy.

That sounds crazy. Mission Impossible, toop, and Hard Boiled. Mhmm. The writers are Chuck Farrar, Red Planet, Barb Wire, the Jackal. By the way, I heard the new series, the Jackal, is pretty good.

And it is it's called the day of the Jackal. Right? The new one? I think so. Yeah.

Yeah. Have you seen the Richard Gere, Bruce Willis, Jack Black Jackal? How would do you remember it? I think I remember it pretty well. Yeah.

Yeah. I just not for me. Yeah. Not not for me. The series is supposed to be pretty good, though.

Okay. It's got gotten good reviews. Great story. Great concept. Director of photography is Russell Carpenter.

Avatar, The Way of Water, Titanic, True Lies, and clearly so far up James Cameron's ass, he cannot climb out. His, yeah, his filmography is pretty pretty nuts. This guy's worked on big shit. Pretty nuts is what he's seeing inside James Cord's. Beautiful, hairless spheres, perfectly symmetrical.

That can submerge underwater. Almost like they were refined by AI. Yeah. Speaking of AI, that guy. A guy who gave us a movie about how scary AI is is so obsessed with using a like, what the fuck, dude?

I don't understand it at all. At all. Money is, a hell of a drug. Music is Graham Ravel, the crow, the saint, and Tim Siminick, who did Titan AE. Producers, the Sam Raimi.

Fuck, yeah. Timecop, Evil Dead, all of them. James Jack, RIP, The Hunted, the Jackal, and Moshe Diamond, The Quest from 1995, Spartan, The Mammoth 1, and, many other many other people. Many people. Many people.

Jean Claude Van Damme plays Chuntz, Lionheart Streetfighter from 1994, and Bloodsport. Yancey Butler plays Natasha. She was in Kick Ass, Drop Zone, and Ravager. Lance Henriksen plays Bill, Pumpkinhead Near Dark and Alien 3. And.

Yeah, buddy. And so just walked in while I was watching this and didn't realize he was in it and kind of just caught a glimpse of his performance and was like immediately because she knows him from aliens was immediately. Yeah. And she was immediately like, wow, that guy's drawn in. Yeah.

Because his emotional depth, in Aliens, like, he's so he's you just he's so magnetic in that movie. And then in this, the turn into being a villain. It's just he's so talented. I think he's absolutely incredible. I agree with you.

Arnold Vosloo plays Pick. He is the mummy. The mummy. Dark he's in dark man 3, die, dark man, die, and blood diamond. Wilford Brimley Oh, teeth.

Plays uncle beaver, the thing, the firm, cocoon, and, diabetes. Cassie Lemons plays detective Mitchell, Candyman, The Silence of the Lambs, and Gridlocked. And is now, like, an accomplished director. She directed Harriet a couple years ago. And yeah.

Oh, nice. Yeah. And, hell, man. Candyman and Silence of the Lambs. That's a Yeah, dude.

Oh, no, isn't it? No shit. Willie Carpenter plays Roper. Men in Black, the insider, take Chuck Farf Farrer. He's also the writer, but Chuck Farrer plays Douglas Binder.

He's also in navy seals, but, uncredited. He's he's in another apparently. I I have I have a question actually about him really specific for you real quick. Okay. How do you feel about him in the beginning of the movie?

Like, I I actually feel like he's pretty good. It's kinda surprising to me that he only has this one acting credit really. Which one did he play? He's the father who gets who's at the beginning of the movie who's being hunted. Oh.

I mean, he doesn't have a lot to do, but, yeah. That was fine. I think when he's going through the motions and the pain, I'm, like, oh, this poor guy. And when he gets the death blow and his handshakes as he's trying to stay on the dock, like, he did like, the physical acting, I think, you know, Chuck Farrar? Farrar.

Not bad, pal. Too many r's in your name, but otherwise, we're trying. Let's have some fun. Fun facts, fun facts, everybody. It's fun fact time.

Universal Studios was afraid that John Woo's limited English would be a problem on set, so they hired Sam Raimi to oversee the entire shoot to replace John Woo if needed. The fact that he was able to do this with an established American director over his fucking shoulder, it's pretty impressive. Yeah. For sure. John Woo's original cut ran nearly 2 hours and focused on Fouchaud.

Jean Claude Van Damme, aka Jean Claude Van Varenberg, aka JCVD, and his editor locked themselves in an editing room for 2 days and re edited the film to the producers liking. Van Damme stated that movie goers were paying to see a Van Damme movie, not a Lance Henriksen movie. Poor people get bored too. I I think I paid for both, but I would pay for the Lance Henriksen one too. Yes.

The strong chemistry between Arnold Vosloo and Lance Henriksen led one universal executive to quip and pitch that he wished he could've gotten the pair their own film together about the backstory of Pick and Emile. Pretty awesome. Originally earned an NC 17 rating for its extreme violence. It was resubmitted to the MPAA 7 times before it was given its r rating. This film is inspired by a classic story that's been around forever.

The most dangerous game from 1932. Which I think we've all read in high school probably. I think that was when I read it. Yeah. Well and it's like I think my initial introduction to this sort of thing was the Rutger Hauer movie with iced tea, surviving the game.

Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah. Do you remember The Pest? John Leguizamo?

Fuck yeah. And being hunted? Yeah. Yeah. The Pest, House of Buggin', both John Leguizamo, both kind of, like, evocative of bugs.

What's that's about? I don't know. Ben, who's gonna do the log line here? Oh, I I feel like I should give a go because you see you you've seen this movie a lot, and I have Oh, buddy. Yeah.

So should I try to give it a shot? I think you give it a go first, and then I can give it a go. Okay. When I gotta remember character names. When the father of, young woman, separately off the track here, goes Natasha goes missing, she receives the assistance of a local Cajun, veteran by the name of Chance to assist her in tracking down the men who killed her father?

I don't know. Handsome magnetic beautifully haired local man is hired by a woman to find her father to discover he was killed by rich motherfuckers that hunt people, which, like, maybe this is a movie that we should all watch just so if the worst happens, we all know how to get these survival skills we need when the rich people start hunting us. A woman hires a drifter as her guide through New Orleans. In search of her missing father in the process, they discover a deadly game of cat and mouse behind his disappearance. Ben, I think we both did okay.

That's one of the best fucking log lines I think we've gotten. It's so concise. Yeah. It's so simple. I think it's damn good.

Yeah. It hits the target. The hard target. It hits it hard. It hits the hard target hard.

Oh boy. I I need to get another beer before we come back from break. I gotta go fill up my whiskey and tell you all about the eighties. This episode is brought to you by the rating system I give that's already been revealed, drunk uncles. We'll be back.

Reagan was a hell of a man. Sometimes I made myself me. Hey, kiddo. I haven't seen you a long time. Long time.

I just want you to know. Your aunt's not here. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that. It had been a long time coming as far as I was concerned.

You know, she voted for Obama twice. Different people and that she is the devil. But I brought Amber and Crystal. Alright. That's what I was gonna do.

Crystal, tell Amber or Amber, tell why do you give me a fucking beer? Okay. I have, look, Kent. You get into shit. I see you can't do some shit.

I I got into some shit. And I need $400. It's these 2 guys. They're pretty fucking crazy. They're coming after old Greg.

And, they, they host a podcast. They host a podcast. I owe them a lot of money. One of them is outward crazy and the other one is disturbingly quiet. And I know he's he's the pro but I I owe him $800.

I need $500, I owe him $1400, I need $2,000 and if I don't get that money they're gonna take my picky toes. I just just look. Look. Look. Look.

Just it's like just so they know you're gonna get kids, so they know you're gonna give me the money, follow them on Letterboxd at run bmc and at paulaxbadly on Instagram at reviewx2podcast. Please, I'm begging you. I'm begging you. I'm begging you. Your aunt won't talk to me.

Your aunt won't talk to me. They're gonna take my dog. And by the way, if this is right around Thanksgiving, this is super brought to you by drunk uncles. Drunk uncle at the dinner table is gonna tell you that the girl you brought home for It but also, like, if he reaches for a turkey leg and, like, puts it on his plate and pulls out, like, a 4 k of hard target and says hunting season is over. Like, that guy rules.

Some drunk uncles could be really cool. Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. Like, the one I described sounds awesome. We would make we would make great drunk uncles.

I agree. Like, we'd just be, like, sit down and watch Carlito's Way with me. You, wanna smoke a j? I do. Mind if I smoke a j?

I can't smoke this pre roll by myself. Yes. I can. It's time. Listeners, we're playing a round of cinephile to decide who describes their first experience.

First. Ben is shuffling the cards. Every card is an actor and a freebie movie on it. He will take that freebie. We'll ping pong back and forth until someone doesn't have an answer.

That person will explain their first experience. Here we go. Lady luck. Lady luck. Bone on a bad year.

Penelope Cruz. The movie on here is Volver. Vanilla Sky. That was the one I was gonna say, Paul. I'm going to no.

That's not her. I'm going to say fuck. I'm gonna give up. Damn. Sorry, bud.

That's a tough one. I I Vanilla Sky was the one she did a bunch of movies with what's the filmmaker? Motivar? Yes. Yeah.

Well, Abre Los Ojos. Abre she was in the original? Wasn't she? I thought so. That that I don't know.

Maybe. I was trying to think of the movie she's in. Isn't it like her and Scarlett Johansson? Something about Vicky Christina Barcelona? Yeah.

That's what it's called. Yeah. Who is is that Woody Allen? I don't know. No.

That's not Woody Allen. Okay. It was. Man, I mean, I will say that her character in Vanilla Sky was one of, like, I had a huge crush on. Oh, good gravy.

Yeah. Talk about, like, manic pixie dream girls or what have you. Yeah. But it's not he he's not portrayed in a great light in that movie. He's absolutely not.

He has well, he shouldn't be. It's that's a solid movie from what I remember. It's it's gonna show up and or will force the issue. Jason Lee. Good Jason Lee too.

Can I say before you say your first experience that Yeah? I texted you the other day, and I was like, so hard target. What did you think? And you're like, well, should we do an app I I didn't know we were gonna do an episode necessarily. So it was this was a nice kind of surprise.

If this comes around Thanksgiving, this is your, like, little, like, oh, I also made, like, a nice little pie that no one knew I made, and I'm gonna bring it out. It's a little surprise. Well, and this kind of has, like, some autumnal vibes considering it seems like it's either spring, summer, or early fall depending on the where the camera's positioned or the time of day, which who knows this movie is supposedly about. 2 days. Right?

But And it and it has to do with the family. It's about family, k. Yep. Forget about it, k. Yeah.

No. I thought, you know, again, I rented this movie from Vidiots and I when I watched it knowing policy and knowing that Moses recommended it, I was like, you know what? I'm not going to show my hand on this because if we do do an episode, I said, dude, drunk uncles. I was like, you know what? I I bet this at this this would come down the line, and I figured, you know, we we should just throw it in here for a little Thanksgiving surprise.

So, I watched it the other night on the the 4 k transfer that looks really solid. It is ridiculous. It is a ridiculous movie in so many ways. It is a movie that you couldn't make today for many reasons. I think because now if you make a movie like this today, it has to be, like, self referential and be, like, super self aware and have, like, quips and jokes and not actually, like, take itself seriously.

And I think what makes this movie so fun is that it does take itself so seriously. It absolutely does. Yeah. And I think that that's so important to the move for the movie to be entertaining. You know?

I mean, I'm guessing this is where Hotshots no. Because that pre that predates this. There's a lot in there that the Hotshots part do has a lot, like, there's things in this that I was, like, oh, is this what it took it from? But it didn't. So never mind.

Oh, okay. But the arrows are very sharp, in this. Like, the sharpest All arrows. Metal on earth. And the action is wild.

The slow motion the way it's shot, the slow motion kicks are crazy. And, like, the way that JCVD moves is great. Like, the guy moves like butter. He's just, like like, melted butter on your little little cornbread. You know?

He's Yeah. He he's great. And, Yeah. I mean, I think, like, we all know on this podcast that action movies are kind of a black hole for me in a little in some ways. But I really I enjoyed myself.

I didn't I didn't find myself ever thinking this was dragging. I felt like it clicked along at a nice pace, and, like, it's a pretty simple storyline. There's not much to hang up on in terms of plot points. And so I I'm sitting and I'm I'm willing to move, I think. I'm I'm I'm sitting at a You have to get to the river if you want to change your score.

I'm sitting at a pretty heart, like, hard as in, like, high, heart hard 3 with a heart. Okay. But I'm but I'm I'm open. Oh. I'm okay.

I'm an easy target right now. Okay. To move up. I like that. My first experience with this movie, I remember it vividly.

Mom was living in a trailer community in Long Beach. This movie got rented. I watched it, and I watched it several times during that little clump of time that's that I was staying there. You were, like, 67, 68? 69420.

Can I borrow $200? You wouldn't wanna let your uncle buy $200, would you, Benny? So I I don't need it for coke. I I know what you're thinking. I don't know how many times I've seen this movie.

Many. Not only a couple days ago when I was like, I should just turn this on too since you're watching it. But then I watched it today. I most certainly did. Because I felt like I wanted to actually sit and be like, oh, shit.

I guess I'll take, like, a few notes and the whole shebang bang. The last time I watched this a couple days ago and before that, this took a shift from a 4 to a 3 and a half drunk uncles with a heart for me. K. Partly because it's the grown ass person watching the movie going, okay. Like, it is pretty fucking insane.

Yeah. I do love so much of the physicality in this movie from so many people. It's like we're heaping praise on Van Damme's physical performance. Henriksen at times, Vaslu. These 3 gents in particular, Casey Lemons also very solid in, like, a role that's like a couple scenes, but is kind of integral to the story.

Mhmm. I I think the writing of this movie and the themes and a lot of the performances, and it does take itself really, really seriously, but the opportunities it takes to make little jokes or be tongue in cheek or provocative at times or try to send a great a greater message of sorts, I think it's, like, weirdly effective, like and I do feel this feels like John Woo's movie. It feels like John Woo's movie. Wow. But there's, like, a pepper of Sam Raimi in there.

I feel like, especially you've seen the quick and the dead or a couple of his movies, dark man. Sure. Sure. Yeah. But there's, like, a tiny bit of that.

And and I feel it in time cop. I feel it in movies that Raimi produces. I I think that he doesn't direct his hands off with, but I feel his and maybe it's more in the editing. I don't know. But 3 and a half drunk uncles with a heart, this is one of those almost endlessly rewatchable movies, especially if you're like me.

Poor people get bored too. So Mhmm. I forgot to mention my my rating system is Oh, please. Please. It was 3 mullets.

So It's got spaghetti mullets. That that mullet is giving. Yeah. It really is. I don't under I gotta say, like, I maybe it's his behavior or I don't know.

There's so many stories about dude, but I just thought this and Timecop were both really solid movies that made money. And his box office kind of reign or when he was at his top, these two movies, it just seemed like it came and went. It's just kinda nuts to me. Have you seen JCVD? I hope someone brings that to the podcast.

I haven't watched that yet. Solid movie, especially if you are a big action movie person. It's a lot of pathos there. It's good. Yeah.

Very solid performance. Well, Ben Mhmm. Me. You're at a 3 and a heart. I'm at a 3 and a half and a heart.

It's it's time time. You're like, good times and noodle salad. It's time to start the movie. God damn movie. Suck the movie.

Suck the movie. And now, our feature presentation. Anytime, big head. Universal logo. Yeah.

Classic universal logo. Yeah. I really dig it. Every time I'm I don't know what it is. There's a a level of, like, I'm gonna watch a movie.

Yeah. When I see that logo. It is Yeah. It I I feel like it's that one and maybe MGM that really feel like this is this is like a move we're gonna watch a movie. Yeah.

There there was a there was a clump of 20th Century Fox that felt like that, but Yeah. It was just like a clump. It was like some event movies. But this movie starts with the universal logo and we get this first chase and kill. Mhmm.

And I like that that the first shot of the movie is, like, POV. Mhmm. Yeah. I feel like that was kind of new or fresh at the time, and everything's, like, dark. I think the music sets the tone.

Mhmm. Yeah. The opening fills you with, at least me, I was like, there's mystery here. I wanna know I wanna know why and what's happening. But we're seeing a guy being, like, brutally hunted and then slaughtered, basically.

Yeah. And I know I said this before, but, like, the the performance by the writer here in a no line performance is, like, really bringing it. Yeah. Like, pretty solidly. And did he were they just, like were they sitting around, like, we need someone who looks like a total, like, homeless, like, scumbag.

Someone who just looks like a a real piece of shit. That'll work for scale. And they all took it. Uncredited. I don't know, dude.

Puts down his drink. I need I need a fake beard, the US military jacket, and I need to borrow $300. I got a I got a crypto thing I wanna talk to you about. But I will say, like, in terms of the casting there, it's like, okay. Like, this guy's solid.

He looks like kind of, like nobody looks super dirty. Like, that's it's like at one point, dudes commented on, were like, you can look like a man again. And I was like, I guess this jacket doesn't fit great. Yeah. Nobody looks super dirty, but everyone looks sweaty.

Yeah. It looks humid as fuck every time. Everyone looks wet. It's sticky. Almost like an alien movie.

Everyone's So dude gets built Bender gets killed. And the the boot to the face that Vaslu gives Binder after he's dead. Oh. Yeah. You're just like, fuck, dude.

Who are these guys? Like you said, like, it's it's very intense in terms of an opening. You're like, what jerk what's happening here? I know who he was. He's emotechn.

He's evil incarnate. We've let him block the earth. He's a great bad guy. Oh, he's so good. He's such a good bad guy.

Should've been a Bond villain at some point. Oh my god. That's a beautiful comment you just made. Right? I mean, I think Yeah.

He he gives Bond villain vibes. He does. He would have been incredible. I think maybe some Bonds depending on I don't know, would be like, I don't need no. Not that guy.

Did you see That that guy's real good. This might have been a rumor, but I think it just announced that Colin Farrell is the villain in the next Bond movie. They haven't even announced the next Bond. No. I know.

That's amazing. If you if you have a boon like Colin Farrell, now you're gonna attract any Bond you want, I assume. Yeah. That's a that's a smart move. Might have been a rumor, but anyway.

That's cool if true though. I love Colin Farrell. He's great. Yeah. So we now meet Bender's daughter, Natasha Bender, who arrives in New Orleans to find her dad, and she's doing this detective work.

She goes to, like, the halfway house. She goes to the homeless camp. She goes to a diner, I guess, that he frequented and, like, and also to make calls and shit and flashing her money around. Yeah. It seems like a lot of bad decisions, but, she wants to find her daddy.

She wants to find I sure know that I came out of my daddy's balls already. Sure. That's from something. It is from Wolverine Deadpool Wolverine. Oh, yeah.

It probably was. You're right. Yeah. So she's looking she's looking for someone to help her, and then she she's, like, got all this money, and then she gets followed back to her car by a bunch of hooligans. And this fight scene because Van Damme really mostly not only, but mostly uses that right leg.

He's real dominant with that right leg. Yeah. So I haven't seen any of his kickboxing or karate matches that he did. You know, apparently he was very good, but he's just seems really dependent on that thing. But it look he's so damn good with it.

Yeah. It looks great. And in this scene, like, I'm already, like, feeling the influence on so many other movies and so many other directors when Van Damme's like uses a guy to hit another guy. Mhmm. When he slams a guy into a pole, when he like wraps his foot around a guy and like kicks him behind the neck.

Oh my god. Through a window. How Connecticut is when he does like the arm break and the spin thing with the the guy? I hope the stunt guys on this, like, had a great time working with John Woo and Van because, like, a lot of people apparently were, like, this is, like, one of the great experiences I've had. You know, and one of the things that it was interesting me because I think sometimes sometimes I think that action can be especially slow like, when they put it in a slow motion can be tedious or, like, it's Yeah.

And I don't feel like I feel like it's shot pretty well here. I I think that, like, there are a lot of cuts and edits, but it doesn't feel like they're cutting the editing to hide that nobody's actually doing the action like some some things do. It feels like it's doing it to sort of, like, highlight certain moments. I agree. Yeah.

And when I feel like the the slow motion, the way it's framed in the way that the action is choreographed and the way the edits happen, it's like, hey, this guy's really fast. We gotta like, this is how we keep up with him. Like, it feels really fluid. You you feel this incredible action director and this incredible action director photography, like, working in, like, real sync together. It's it's really crazy to me that, you know, apparently, John Woo didn't speak very solid English at this point or felt like they needed, like, a helicopter mom there and Sam Raimi because up to this point, feeling pretty cut like it's there's like a level of goofiness to it.

There's like, it's not quite roadhouse goofiness like that that movie never really takes itself seriously. Right? I think we agree. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. This movie does a lot to justify little things all the time in exposition one way or another. Like, we see that the cops are on strike. Right. So, clearly, this is a place like these nefarious people or just bad people in general are gonna get away with shit.

And the young lady, Natasha, goes to see the cops. And the only cop in there is Casey Lemons. And the POV shot again of her of Natasha walking to the desk and the push of the camera. Like, I just like I'm like, dude, even in these scenes where action's not really happening, I feel like I'm like, there's still something pulling me in all the time. Yeah.

And I think, like, this starts to highlight, like, the the police don't care about poor people. No. Not yeah. The I agree with you. This one cop that's there, like, doing her job, she, like, she cares and even, like, at a point is, like, honey, like, I I can't fill out a missing person's report for a person that doesn't have a place to be.

And you can tell, like, there's a a level of, like, in the acting of, like, I'm sorry to tell you this. Yeah. And it's, like, her birthday. Like and she pulls this cake she puts a cake with a lit candle in her desk and pulls it out, and it's, like, smoking. What was her wish?

Do you think it was, like, I hope I hope I don't die through this movie. She didn't get that wish. Like, what? Her wish was probably, like, I should have gone into a different light at work. I hope she find her daddy.

The way he says daddy. Daddy. Find her daddy. But, yeah, it's like I just think, like, the comments on the fact that no one cares about poor people, especially if you're homeless. How many homeless people do you think just go missing and no one knows?

There must be 1,000 in the US alone that there's no clue. There's there's a a clear narrative in this movie about minorities and veterans and people that have less and are poor, have no family. Like, that you don't matter. You're a walking ghost. Yeah.

Like, you have no value. It does a good job of not being crazy heavy handed with it. And the one time it does, it's funny in my opinion. But the when when Chance is gonna get hired by Natasha to help her find her dad, after he finds out he can't ship out to work as a merchant marine or something. Right.

Because he needs, he's in debt. He doesn't have, union dues. Yeah. So he has to pay off the dues before he can go, and she's offering to pay him, like, $100 a day, I think. Yeah.

This is where I get the impression that he's killed someone where she says for a $100 a day, does it matter what you're gonna do? And he thinks for a second, he goes, yeah. It does. It really does. And you get this idea.

This guy in this moment is like, oh, this dude's killed people, and we still don't know his actual background. Right. Yeah. We haven't I guess we haven't learned that yet. But, yes, I I feel like you could probably surmise from how he The fight.

Treated yeah. That he's he's probably accidentally crushed someone's skull at some point. Yeah. When he threw them against a pole Or non accidentally. Earlier that day.

I think earlier that day. That's part of the thing of this movie that keeps me from The timeline. Yeah. Sticking at the fore is like how long does this take? What time of day is this?

Like That's going to work. I don't know. I but there are little things. I like the little self effacing shit that happens when Natasha is like, hey, you're taking me around New Orleans because I'm gonna pay you 217 to help me for 2 days, which feels like 4 or 5 maybe. I don't know.

But when he goes harder than that. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I I can't drive. I don't have a license.

I'm like, he he he. Like, I like that he that's like shit that like Seagal or I feel like Stallone at the time maybe. Like, a lot of these action dudes wouldn't do. May maybe Schwarzenegger? I don't know.

But there's a level of self effacing that he's doing that I like. Yeah. I mean, I think there's similar esque stuff like that in Terminator 2 of him. Oh, especially. Yeah.

You're right. Knowing certain things. So I think Schwarzenegger probably do something like that. But, yeah, I would I could use the one foot up. Yeah.

Stand on one leg. I couldn't see a lot of, like, macho machismo men wanting to do something like that. But it but it works in this for the character, and it works to, like I don't know. Just give it some, like, pepper. You know?

Give it a little Yeah. The the the levity is really necessary partly because when the villains are around, it's like It's rough. Like, holy shit a lot of the time. Yeah. And the villains, I mean, we've talked about Lance Henriksen and on Yeah.

Lawsuit, but they're they're some real bad dudes and they're just killing motherfuckers. Yeah, dude. Well, it's like we we get endeared to this guy, Roper, who was friends with the dad. And he's just this nice veteran, homeless guy, wants to help out. Doug was a nice guy.

You're a nice lady. The movie does a really good job of endearing us to this character that felt kind of just randomish Yeah. In his first appearance. And, like, he wants to be helpful, and he's likable. And we find out that Binder was passing out sex phone line flyers for money because he was homeless, and a lot of vets did this.

And this is you know, Chance and and Natasha go to talk to this dude and ask about Bender, and this is where Pick shows up Yeah. At dude's office. Yeah. And he's he a is he a pimp? I think he's got a lot the bat the guy Randall, the guy who does the flyers.

Randall, you wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. I I can do this better. We'll figure it out. What is picks what is pick style? Randall.

I think he's South African. I think he's supposed to be like I think Vaslu maybe. I may need to check then. I think he is South African. Yeah.

Yeah. But, it's great because these guys recruit the veterans that pass out the flyers. Like, all the writing is just linking up, like, nicely. It feels a little TV ish, but it's like, sure. This is satisfying.

I'm satisfied by this. Yeah. I could see how you could maybe say there's, like, a TV esque plot in this. You know? But it also but it also kinda feels like in in a good way, it feels like the the kind of action movies, like or stories like Jack Reacher or something where it's like there is something people are being taken advantage of by some assholes, and this guy has some ability to try to and he's going to be put into the middle of it, and now these guys fucked with the wrong guy.

And that's sort of, like I love I love stories like that. I just think that No. I think it's great. Simple Rebel Ridge, the one I watch with Moses is Yeah. Similar story line where it's, like, you You wronged the wrong person.

Yeah. And now you're going and you think you're the big dick on the street, and you're about to get you're about to see real quick that that's not the truth. Yeah. Fuck around and find out. Never interrupt me.

But don't play with us, Danny. I agree with you. Without Hard Target, you don't get Mission Impossible 2, which is a movie that I know Melissa Sosa and I both like for all its flaws and warts or whatever. And then that leads to now Tom Cruise is doing a Hard Target esque type story, lead child, you know, different source material. But like you said, like, very similar.

And I just don't think Jack Reacher sings as loud without this. This is one of those things that I think just the rewatchability of this movie and what it did for action movies that came after it. Like, this it's crazy how much this kind of changed the game. Like, where you see a lot of editing and directing and choreography that goes this way from here. This was just a this was a sea change thing to a degree.

And, like, is it perfect? God, no. But, like, it's got a lot, like, it can it can rest on a lot of fucking really strong laurels. Yeah. Well, they cut his cut the dude's ear.

Oh, yeah. They cut they cut poor after and this is right where act 2 begins. Like, it's, like, right at, like, a 28 minute mark. It's Yeah. Just a beautiful little pink piece of writing.

And the beating of Randall is a little tough to watch. Yeah. Like, because he's, like, you know, crying and, you know, begging and sweating. And and this is where Lance Henriksen shows up again Yeah. And gets ready to get his hands dirty.

And, again, 2 movies in a row, dudes washing their hands in fishbowls. Oh, you're right. This and True Romance. Like, what the fuck was that? Same year.

What was that? People just had fucking hate fish. What's up? I guess. So they're like, this fish turd is gonna hey.

These fish turds will heal my hands. You'll see. I I'm gonna send you a link about it. And also, you can Venmo me that 200 if you don't have cash. Like, have you ever smelled a fishbowl?

A fishbowl's not clean. Fucking disgusting. Like, have you ever cleaned an aquarium? So gross. But this is now where we get Chance's background where it's like, by the way, this guy's like a certifiable fucking bad ass.

Yeah. Where it's like, do you feel like Nicolas Cage's character and the look is a little bit inspired by Now that you say that for sure. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

This set the table for a lot of stuff, include face off Put the bunny back. Back. Great movie. But we get Chance's background where they're going over, like, all of his, you know, war medals and service history and all this other stuff. And what a fucking magical specimen this guy is.

And the the dove flies in. Oh. As he's So I I have a question though. Because so as someone who's not as familiar with John Dove magic. The movies he made before, like, eastern movies, did he also use doves?

Yes. And so this is just a been a thing that he's always had in his movies is have, like, a scene where a dove shows up of in some kind. Yes. Okay. I think and it's normally a storytelling device to signify either you need to be paying attention to this or this is, not only you need to be paying attention to this.

This is a big crazy action scene that's gonna carry some sort of weight. There's gonna be some change for some character. It's pretty cool in Mission Impossible too when he's running out of the and he takes off the mask and is running in The action sequences in that movie are fucking great. I don't agree. Aside from everything else, the action sequences in that movie are fucking great.

The motorcycle sequences in that movie are fucking great. So the crime scene investigation CSI thing where Chance the dove is like, look for the cruise. Like, look for the dog tags. And he goes and looks at the burned up place that, you know, apparently Doug Bender was burned. And Chance finds the dog tag with the hole through it.

Which is very convenient. He finds it pretty quickly and he gets his ass kicked as he gets snuck up on by a couple motherfuckers on biker crank. Motherfuck, get out of town. Point your titties out of here. They're definitely meth heads for sure.

Oh, yeah. And they got one of those where do they sell these, like, things that you can let I guess they're probably for cattles. I was like, do they do they work for animal control? Yeah. They look like they work for animal control.

We're gonna steal something out of my friend, Bort's truck. He works for animal control. This one get this motherfucker shawls. Yeah, man. They they look like characters from Too Many Cooks.

They do look like that guy. By the way, 5 star rating from me, Too Many Cooks. 10 year anniversary for Too Many Cooks. I should watch that soon. It's been too long.

Life's too short. Yeah. I should watch it again. Hey, let's do some improvisational comedy now. So now we get finally a real, like, Lance Henriksen thing.

And, dude, the way he's is that him? I because I'm pretty sure it is anyway with the way the camera moves a couple times. They should show it off more the way he's hammering the fuck out of that piano. It might be. What a fucking badass, dude.

Yeah. And he just, like, seems like he's, like, in a trance, and there's a point where it you see, it goes from his hands and glides up to his face. And it's like, well, that's pretty fucking hard to fake. I don't know. And this is cutting into fucking dude that got his ear cut off selling Roper, another veteran on I'm just gonna give you an an interview.

I'll pay you a $100 to interview you, and you just if you're interested in the job, be here at this time, which is, like, I'm sorry, like, what? 11:30 fucking 5 at night in, like, murder town? Like, what? This definitely feels like, a a place it's funny because, right when it started, I was like, oh, this is set in New Orleans because I had, you know, watched recently Interview with a Vampire. And I'm like, everything every story you hear about New Orleans for the most part is just, like, it's a place where people die.

It's just, like, people just people just die there a lot. You celebrate death. Death is great. Yeah. And when I die, will you bury me in New Orleans?

Still celebrate me there. I'll tell you about the time celebrate my death. I'll tell you about the time that I died. But let's do some improvisational comedy. No.

It was when my niece didn't send me $200 because she's an ungrateful shit. It was a day that Barack Obama was oh, I they broke my goddamn legs. They're gonna break my legs, Jenny. They're gonna break my legs. It's $200.

The cuts now of where it's telling us exactly how the hunts work. Hey. Here's how they report people. We're getting the information. Yeah.

All the information is being given and they have a corner in their pocket that helps them cover up the deaths. And there aren't really any cops working and the whole deal. But now, Bender had a family. This was unplanned. The the fucking Randall slipped this guy through, and it's fucking shit up for Pick and Emil Fushon.

And Chance meets Randall again Yep. In a Yep. Randall's getting a massage. Yeah. And he just, like, forces his head into that that little thing that you put your head in.

Yeah. The headrest is he's, like, missing part of his ear. Yeah. And just, like, get some more information out of him. Yeah.

Well, as as Van Dam is like, yeah, he's like, now I want you to listen close as I see your short and ear. Like, the whole like, he's like kind of he's a really nice guy. Have you ever heard the term? And I feel like you have because I've had to feel the feeling I need to say this to a lot of people, outside of the fake energy I push in this podcast is like, look, I'm not mean. I'm just direct.

I'm just there's a difference between being mean and being direct. This is where he gets, like, mean. Like, get a couple points. Which, like, it's necessary. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No. He goes he goes full Where were the ducks going? Yeah.

And you never will. And you never will. And his mullet just carries him away. The the coroner, you know, is questioned by Casey Lemons where she's like, hey, fucking this guy was probably murdered. Do your fucking job or I'm fucking turning you in.

This is no good. And, Pick just shoots him in the eyeball through through a door, and they build up Henriksen, like, stabbing him, and it's kind of fun, the misdirect. Yeah. That was interesting. And then he puts the little letter cutter down, letter opener Yeah.

And that wipes it off. Did you notice when Pick comes in and out of the door, everything he's touching or whatever, he has a handkerchief underneath his hand too? I just I I like how thorough the direction is. They're like, hey, this is how these people would, like, operate. Yeah.

It's everything feels very thoughtful. Yes. There's nothing feels accidental for sure. Yeah. When Roper is, like, essentially kind of mildly seduced, mildly intimidated by Henriksen and all these guys, like, get the $10,000 to the river and it's yours and you can get a haircut and you won't look like shit.

And again, it's like, he he probably needs, like, a new jacket. I'm so bad about this guy. Yeah. And Randall do you ever feel bad for Randall? The the big guy?

I don't either. No. So when he's when Arnold Vaslu in the morning when Randall's gonna run off because every all the walls are closing in on him Yeah. And Vaslu shoot like, flips the shotgun and shoots him and the windshield blows forward That was that was intense. That was graphic.

Yeah. That feels like an NC 17 moment. I'm surprised that made it. I also was like, hold up. Nobody heard that?

Nobody nobody on the street is see us? Yeah. But the cop shows up pretty quickly. Like, they're she's on it pretty quickly. Right?

Like, they they Ish. Yeah. Again, I think this is New Orleans. It just feels like it feels like everything I watch now in New Orleans is just, like, people A pool. Just getting shot in the fucking street.

But for me, it was Tuesday. It's seventies New York. I've just shot a man, and I and I want to confess. Mhmm. Shut up.

Try to help her try to sleep. So when Casey Lemons is killed by the way, like, that cop fucking saves Natasha's life, like, actually kills one of the henchmen, like, has Vaslu on the run, like, she again, like, this character serves, like, great per she's, like, the best cop ever. I thought she was gonna make it to the end at least. I really kinda wanted her to. Like, this is something that I feel like is missing from a lot of modern movies in general, but modern movies especially.

Killing killing off good characters. Well, let it like like making the audience deal with loss. Like, to some degree, it's like, hey, not all the good guys are always gonna survive. And it's like that sucks, like deal with that. Some of the darkness in this movie works for me.

But if you wait after the credits, they come back. Sheesh. Sheesh. They say they say detective Williams 5 times in a mirror, and she's, like, I don't wanna do these fucking movies anymore. Tell your tell your 90.

So when they do this chase from here, it's great. Mhmm. I love this. The whole thing's super over the top. Everything's exploding.

Fucking people are getting thrown into cardboard boxes. The things that explode the things that explode in this movie are, like, the most classic cliche action movie explosions. Oh, gas tank. Yeah. Okay.

Or, like, a wood shack where it's, like, that's clearly that's clearly just a shack that has, like, nothing in it, but some, like, tools. Yeah. Blows up like it was full fucking dynamite. Well, at the end, like, they they're, like, let's just give a couple of these guys grenade launchers. Just, like, fuck it.

Yeah. Let's just blow everything up. Up. We have dynamite. We have grenade launchers.

Fuck it. So, like, Lance Henriksen pulls out okay. To me, this is almost a character in the movie. And it's weird. It's almost like dirty Harry's gun or robocops gun.

Lance Henriksen pulls out this absolutely fucking insane ridiculous hand cannon. Oh, yeah. That's right. And it is, it's a thing called the Thompson contender. And I don't know what caliber it is, but it's just like this insanely unnecessary ridiculous crazy gun that holds a single, like, crazy, like, 4 inch long bullet or whatever it is.

That's as that's as hard as I get usually is a 4 inch long bullet. Oh, me too. Yeah. That's my max. Yeah.

Yeah. That's That 4 inch fastest speeding bullet too. Myself. Oh, yeah. No problem.

Like like milliseconds and I'm I'm I'm I'm over. I'm done. Okay. We're heading to the 3rd act and I need to ask you. Uh-huh.

Do you feel like this movie is setting it up for a showdown with Pick and Van Damme? Yeah. I mean, it feels like he is the main henchman to yes. It does feel like we need to have that showdown. He's the only one that does not underestimate Van Damme at any point.

Yes. Yes. It does. And, also, I think I see what your point is because I I I do think that it's more it's established more that Pick is, like, really fucking skilled at this. Yeah.

He's a hunter. He's probably come from generational hunting family or some shit like that or military tracker and a hunter and and the I guess, like, it not coming down to that and coming down to him in Emile is I mean, it again, it's a it's a great climb. I'm getting ahead of us, but it it's a great climax. Coming. But it does kinda feel like To a decision.

Does kinda feel like we should have had the other you know, it's kinda like when you see, like, the Batman trying to fight the penguin where you're like, this probably would have gone this probably should be easier for Batman than Yeah. Than they're making it seem like. I want the showdown to be with Fushan because I I still prefer that character. I prefer that performance. I I like the showdown, but I feel like it's a weakness of the movie is it's like, you guys you're doing a really good job of telling me that this is the guy that understands that this guy's being underestimated, but you're also kind of setting it up to a degree of, like, this guy understands, so it'll be the 2 of them.

Like, that's how it feels to me is it it it kinda pulls a rug out that it doesn't need to that it doesn't need to tie the room together with that rug. Yeah. I mean, I think it could have done something done very similar thing. We could've had a really cool showdown with Pick and Van Damme and then still get the Emile thing with him using the girl as leverage because he knows he's not as strong as Van Damme. Yeah.

I think that we could have still gotten, like, the best of both worlds. So I I I hear what you're saying. Van Damme's got this great thing too in these in these specifically these two movies in hard target and time cop of the, like, the put upon, like, the the poor, the the civil servant, like, the honest guy, like, whatever. They say what you will about the performances. I think he did a really good job in the 2 movies and and picked a couple, like, really solid scripts and worked with solid directors.

And so the the hunters arrived now. And I like the little snake thing with Van Damme and Natasha where Oh, yeah. There's a moment where this movie is like, okay. Here's the love story. And, you know, of course, like, she's so into him because he's so greasy and dreamy and looks like Chuck Norris from hitman and, like, yeah.

But, oh, I could make, like, focaccia bread and balsam and balsamic, and I could just wring your hair out, and we're set. Like, the when she thinks he's gonna kiss her, do you trust me? Of course, I trust you. And he just it's the snake. I like that mislead.

I felt so bad for the snake. I did too. When he just rips its rattle off. He puts his fucking rattle off and then, like, attacks, and bites a dude, and then Yeah. He becomes a trap.

Off. And I'm like I'm like that oh, I saw a rattlesnake yesterday. No shit. Where? A baby rattlesnake.

I went on a hike in Griffith Park, and I was, like Wow. Walking walking with my head down. I was the the top peak above the observatory. Yeah. And I was, like, walking with my head down, and I see this thing, like, coil up and start to come towards me.

And I was like, oh, shit. Damn. And I hike in that park a lot, and I rarely see and it was a baby, so it doesn't have its rattler, but it it's still poisonous. Yeah. I've only seen bull snakes up there.

So, like, in those hills, coyotes, like, whatever, but I've never seen I mean, you see signs everywhere. Right? Yeah. So wow. Cool.

Yeah. That's pretty cool. And you're alive. And I got to live to tell the tale. I'm dead.

I'm dead. You got bit in the face and Lance Henriksen stepped on your throat. Got it. I like this little thing too. It is again, the mislead though, where Van Damme sets this trap with the snake and pick, like, Vasili, like, smiles.

Like, he's like, I respect it. I respect the move. Yeah. Like, it it's the admiration I feel is, like, okay. Well, that's gonna be that guy's undoing.

Like, he admires this other guy too much. Well, but the yeah. But it but it he's smart. Like, Van Damme's smart to, like, set these this this was like as we're they're heading towards his drunk uncles. Because it's we Yeah, dude.

Wilford Brimley is making his own, Everclear like moonshine. He was 27 years old when they made this movie by the way. I don't believe you. Jack ravaged. Okay.

Yeah. He was 19. I'm sorry. I feel bad to lie to you. It's a Wilford Brimley.

Dude, but that's the thing is, like, in a movie like Hard Target starring Van Damme, you need the star power. You need the credibility of a Wilford Brimley. Have a good day. Yeah, buddy. And he's he's he's awesome.

He's he's so great. Yeah. You can tell he's having the best time. Oh, yeah. He's just ridiculous Cajun dialect.

Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Here. And they're basically going But I got your old shotgun.

Like They're basically going full, like Each of the car punches. Like, they're gonna It's so good. Got a bunch of booby traps. Well and they're all gonna be, like, activated with Wilford Brimley's like arrows and shit. And I will say as Brimley blows up his stills with an arrow that hits a bottle that ignites some dynamite.

Yeah. Wilford Brimley riding away at full speed on horseback wearing white galoshes and raising a bow and arrow in the air as the world explodes behind him is the biggest dick move, biggest action star fucking shot ever. It's fucking great. Have a good day. I also was, like, it it didn't seem like it took too much convincing to get him to just blow up everything he owned.

No. I mean, he lives in a shack in the middle of it's family, bro. Family. I love you, my friend. Oh my god.

Oh, I hear family. I hear a little bit. She's trying to crawl up me. Aw. Yeah.

She's she's had it with this. Well She she needs a cuddle? Yeah. We get the horse chopper chase where again, Van Cleef AKA Vasu is like, just let me fucking shoot this guy. And Hendrickson's like, no.

It's it's unprofessional. Like, how far I do I like when Vaslu dies because they do have a little showdown. Mhmm. And the the thing that Van Damme does is cool when he, like, jumps through the window and slides on the ground and shoots him, like, 23 times. We get into a warehouse that's just full of Mardi Gras floats.

They they explain it at Brimley's when he tells them the plan. He's like, we're gonna go to the old Mardi Gras graveyard. And Brimley's like, that's a good idea. Like. Okay.

So these aren't these aren't floats that people were excited to use. They're not gonna everyone's not gonna show up for a Mardi Gras parade, and there's not gonna be You you thought Shin Godzilla was a scary zombie? Wait until you get the Mardi Gras floats from the graveyard. The the band's just like, and it opens up, and it's just a bunch of dead bodies that you just pour out. You're so happy with yourself.

Mommy, what's that? Oh my god. So this final action set piece at the big warehouse full of floats, it's fun. It's super over the top. Oh, it's ridiculous.

And we finally get down to the point where Wilford Brimley and Van Damme and Yancey Butler and Natasha who kills one person and Wilford Brimley, it's I really like this where he's like, don't give me the gun. You don't kill people. This is not you're not doing that. Yeah. Like, I actually like that.

It feels protective. It feels protective in a way where it's like, I know how it feels to do that and I don't want you to have to experience it. Right. I agree. Yeah.

And 2 of my favorite one liners. We get I mean, there are so many great one liners through this scene. Henrickson has Yancy Butler, has Natasha. Yeah. And Van Damme has a shotgun.

And Lance Henrickson is like, he's picked the wrong tool for the job. And Van Damme throws away the shotgun. He still got the grenade from Van Cleef. Right? Oh, yeah.

And Henrikson, when Vaslu dies, he is distraught. He is so again, this is part of why you wanna see that movie. I almost was like, do they love each other? There's there's a a rumor of thought on the Internet that they that they do. Yeah.

That I mean, that's that's what I was like. Is that what they're hinting at, or is that just, like, coded? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

When Lance Henriksen is like, what made you wanna complicate my life like this? And Van Damme says, poor people get bored too. Poor people get bored too Oh. Is fucking great. Wow.

You can probably hear her right now. She's she's agreeing with you. Oh my god. That cat just jumped on top of you. If you're if you're just joining us, Paul's cat, Sandy, just literally leapt into his arms and is now on his shoulders.

Hi, sand cat. It was very cute. Holy shit. I'm okay, by the way. I'm bleeding a little, But I'm okay.

She just really needed that cuddle. She really did. Hi, baby. Hi. Hi.

That's so sweet. How long did it take for her to warm up to you? Immediate. She loves she has always loved me. I'm very lucky in that with her.

Okay. So we get the poor people get bored too. And when Lance Henriksen says, load me. And the way she pulls the bullet out and loads the gun. Like, out of, like, the bullet from his crotch area.

It's, like, clearly supposed to be, like A power thing. Yeah. And And and then he runs full speed in that time that it takes Henriksen to try to get the gun up and just fucking kicks him straight in the fucking chest. In the st he burps blood. Yeah.

Clearly, like, shattering his his rib cage. Oh, yeah. He is not in good shape. And fucking Van Damme just beats the living shit out of him and drops another dope one liner. Hunting season is over.

And drops the grenade In his pants. And Lance Henriksen's pants. And I love that his response is, oh, I'm gonna take it apart because if I take the I had the same question for you. I was like, why is he just not throwing it? Just throw it.

Yeah. I'm like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I'm I you could say, like, the hubris of him, like, I know how these things work. So if I take the Oh, I didn't think of it that way.

Out of it, then it won't like, I'm smart. I'm smarter than a grenade. I didn't think of it that way. Because he's such a dick that I could just Oh, okay. That's a well, I mean, it's great too when he unscrews it and the face he makes when he smiles and he's like Yeah.

Like, I've smarted you. Yeah. And then it still goes off as great. And then we think Duvet's dead. I'm still kicking.

I must be on Broadway. And we find out he's not, and it's because when he got stabbed with the arrow, he his poor flask. This this real catastrophe. This real bad. Is it your uncle?

Yep. Was destroyed. But and the movie literally ends right there. Right then and there. I was like, oh.

Story's over. Oh, it's done. Okay. Story's over. We know what happened to her dad.

Those guys are dead. Like, story's over. And they don't try to do shoehorn in a love story because I feel like if they did, there would be more story. And that's the thing is, like, almost all of these movies, there's some damsel in distress or someone to some degree that is just enamored with a dude and, like, there's some sort of something. And I think this movie is a little stronger for not having that.

And similar to, like, Jack Reacher Yes. Where it's like that movie's stronger for not having that. Have you watched the Amazon series Jack Reacher? No. I haven't.

Oh, I think you you I think you should check it out. Okay. Yeah. I know I hear, Alan Rickson, big dude. I hear he's great in the role.

So He's really good. Yeah. Okay. She's like tucked into me. Yeah.

She really needed to get on that shoulder. She really did. Well, here we are. We've talked about our target. I just wanna say Target.

I've had a lot of fun talking about this movie. Yeah. It is a ridiculous movie, but it's really good at it. It's definitely yeah. Should we re rank it?

I mean, we got it. Right? Yeah. I'm I think I might go to 3 and a half more. You're gonna watch it again in your life.

You will. And I and I think I recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it. I think it's worth watching, especially if you're with, like, friends and just, like, hanging out and watch it together. I think it it's a great watch Yeah. To have fun with and then to talk about it.

Highly recommend Hard Target. 3 and a half mullets. Great. I love it. I am I will say, like, I don't know if I it's just such a specific movie.

I don't know. But I'm at 3 and a half as well. Same matter can occupy some space. Okay. It's not perfect.

It's far from perfect. Saturn Awards, yes. Oscars, no. Yeah. But the movie the movie is something really, really cool and kind of, as I said, like endlessly watchable.

It wouldn't surprise me if you and I talking 20 years, like, after the inevitable court case and you're victorious, and I'm like, Look. Just tell me how many times have you seen our Target? And you'll be like, 6. When we're both old drunk uncles? Yeah.

I I think that's probably accurate. And you've beaten me in litigation for slander. I don't know. And I finally get my when I finally get my $200. Gary, you know, they broke my legs.

Because the day Obama was elected. And all I knew was 200 fucking dollars. I can't get her off of me. You have a cat on you like it's a scarf. She clawing into you?

Yeah. A little bit. Well, this has been really fun for bookings our Jamie Enwood. Matt Foskett does what are you doing, and what are we watching? Ben, don't you do our interstitials?

I do. And, Chris Olds does our fun facts. Uh-huh. And Paul's being attacked viciously by this cat. It's great.

This little potato just, like, jumped onto you. I love her so much. Well, like, good god. Well, I guess I'll have to save that part of the video and cut it out, won't I? And you should, follow us on Instagram at reviewxtwo podcast.

Please follow us. Please like us. Please like this podcast and follow this podcast if you don't, and share it with your friends and enemies because we could use Especially your enemies. Especially your enemies. If they if you're, like, if you have friends or I mean, I'm sorry.

If you have enemies that you want them to waste their time, send us their podcast. Thanks so much. Stay hard. Hi, everyone. This is JJ, the cofounder of Goodpods.

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